hahas.... quoting from josh's blog, "So amazing it's ironic." haaa i've my own version. amazement never comes without irony. i'm sorta still stuck with the 'WHAT IFs' mentality. how can i break that? everytime i think about it, my mind starts rattling and shooting all the questions and negative thoughts. i want it to cease, right this moment! what if you left? what if i had done something that day? what if? what if? what if? shut it, i don't wanna hear. it disgusts me utterly to even recall or think bout it. it's like this goo stuck on the wall that only after a long period of time will it get washed off. unless you paint it over with a new spread. but doubt it'll ever happen. forgiveness... an even worse irony. i forgive you, but i'm angry still. like WT-! how can i forget? it's hard. whoever can understand that curl of pain? unless you've been through my feelings. like a mistake that can never be erased. to forget might be impossible.. to forgive... yes i already have. i just need you to prove to me that it will never happen again.

sometimes i feel i ain't good enough for you. i know we've talked this over, but it just keeps coming back. assure me please, i don't know how to stop this endless loop of insecurity and that circle of hurt. someone, please, help me.